Illusions of (in)adequacy

Its been a while since I updated my blog. Interactions with people the past few weeks have made me put finger to keyboard again!  

In my conversations with people from different walks of life over past few days, I have heard subtle cries for help. I have sensed deep desires to climb out of a pit of doubt, self-consciousness and silent misery; of a feeling of inadequacy. Nothing overtly expressed, until gentle understanding from kindred souls draw it hesitantly out.

Very often, these are covered up with a hearty laugh, a smile, a gesture. Little do we see past the facade which so cleverly masks the inner anguish. Do feelings of inadequacy well up inside you at times? I guess they do arise within us at different times, in different ways.

We become like chameleons - adept at camouflage. It becomes a habit so ingrained that we fail to distinguish between illusion and reality. The illusion becomes the airbrush that masks the terrain. Very often this arises from the thought – what will others think? So the illusion begins to mark the terrain deeper, till it scores into the earth and develops roots. A mind-made forest emerges, which chokes the ‘self’ to a shriveling mass within. Left to die, yet cannot die – the source of life within.

So what do we do? An analogy comes to mind. A recent painting project at my house revealed the process to getting a good coat of paint.

1. Masking - First comes the masking, of all things which need to be retained the way it is. So let’s first identify all things which we are perfectly happy with. Mask it to keep it on.
2. Gentle Sanding – Now comes the seemingly easy part of gentle sanding of the walls of our lives that we are unhappy with. This involves going within and being with ourselves. Yesterday, someone mentioned that it is scary to shut the world out and be with ourselves! To the un-initiated it may appear so. So gently sand the walls and go to the deeper question – In feeling inadequate, what do I really want? What is it that 'want' within me that I desire to fill with something that someone outside can give me? 
3. First coat of primer & ‘putty’ – having reached the root, it now has to be strengthened. Here come the resources that need to be identified. Strengths that are within. Got a few in mind? Good. 
4. Sanding a second time – and this one’s strong. Don’t we find it difficult to identify hidden inner strengths and resources? A person was flabbergasted when I asked to list at least 20 inner strengths, capabilities and resources. Look back at all the times that you have excelled. What did you have that enabled your excellence? List them.  Why stop at 20, go for a century! You’ll be surprised. Another person once copiously wrote five pages of resources!
5. Second coat of primer - Now it’s time for those newly resurrected strengths to get settled in and strengthen.  Keep playing them in your head. Visualise future situations where you get to use them, situations where you would earlier feel inadequate.
6. Coats of paint – Now all you need to do is colour your world by choosing to be yourself, exhibiting all your resources in all their glory. Choose to have the controls to ‘feeling good’ with you – not hand them over others.
7. Unmasking of that which was masked – wholeness is essential. Be yourself. Let’s take charge of our lives.    
   
     

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