What would be your answer if somebody were to ask you – how is the quality of your relationship with people who matter to you? I’m sure there would be a gamut of adjectives and phrases to describe the relationships that matter to us - particularly in relation to our parents.
It never ceases to amaze me how we sometimes hold our parents responsible for practically all of our problems. We go through most of our life holding on to grievances, unhappiness and so called ‘negative’ feelings, little realising how they affect present relationships in subtle ways.
How many of us have ever paused to consider that maybe the relationship or other person in the relationship is not at fault – maybe it’s just our perception? And once we re-wire our perception, the relationship changes. The past events then no longer have a hold on us the way they have been.
Have you ever tried to understand feelings from the other’s perceptual position? I urge you to try it out. Remember the relationship or event that you feel most affects you. Consider the significant persons in that relationship/event. Step into the perceptual position of the other person(s) and re-look at the situation from their point of view. Start a dialogue if required, to better understand the positive intention behind their actions and behaviour. Does that enable you to understand their behaviour/ response patterns better? Does that change your perception of the event? Does it in any way change the feelings you have developed towards the other person? If done with genuine intent, you will experience a sea change of changing perceptions.
Changing our perceptions will enable us realise that we choose to understand, perceive and experience situations and interactions with others in a way that makes sense to us at the time. It’s not necessarily what the other person felt or intended to communicate. When we re-wire those perceptions, we feel a sense of liberation from past held limiting beliefs. And we begin to understand that it was not the person and/or relationships that were are ‘fault’ – it was just our perception of that person and/or relationship.