Relationships and shoe sizes? You may wonder what type of a
new combo this is and also at the connection between shoe sizes and
relationships. As part of growing up, I’m sure everyone has had varying
experiences with changing shoe sizes. Relationships may be related to shoe
sizes – they grow and change with time. I consider that any relationship, be it
between partners, spouses, friends, employer-employee, parent-child may be
divided into four phases and each phase is to be experienced in full and dealt
with differently. The four Phases:
1. Nascency: The beginning of a relationship is a gentle
one of exploration and tentative first steps, even as the shoe size of a child grows
gently at first. This phase of a relationship is a ‘getting to know’ phase and
needs to be treated with kid gloves. Much is learnt about the relationship,
even as the child learns which shoe sizes, shapes and designs are suitable for
him or her. A lot of excitement is there in the newness of the relationship and time is invested in it, even as a child who first starts wearing shoes spends much of his waking moments wearing the shoe.
2. The Surge: After the initial phase, the growth of the
shoe size of a child becomes steady, as do relationships which grow and flourish
with time. During this period of growth, there are sudden spurts of intense
growth followed by a period of lull when there no seemingly outward indication
of growth. When relationships between individuals grow, an expectation sets in
of how the pace or depth of relationship will be over time. And when it doesn’t
happen as per expectation, doubts creep in. As happens with shoe sizes, nothing
can be predicted. Even during periods of seemingly no outward growth, there is
a deepening of relationship in the calm still steps, if only one takes the effort to become aware of it.
3. Vacillatory: There are also times when the increase in
shoe size of an adolescent seem disproportionate to the increase in height. This may sometimes
lead to disenchantment and questioning of the process happening within. This
largely happens due to expectations of the human mind. Situations crop up in
relations that may sound discordant with the symphony of the relationship thus
far. Much like a square peg to be fit into a round hole. One expects the relationship to proceed in a certain way and when it
deviates from what we expect to be the growth path, doubts creep in
surreptitiously. Accept the deviations. Relationships
rarely conform to expectations. It’s the expectation that is the culprit, not
the relationship.
4. Sustainability: After the growth phase comes
the plateau. The shoe size reaches its destined final size. A comfortable place
to be in, as there would finally appear to be stability. Relationships between
individuals also reach a stage of maturity and understanding. It levels off at
this point. A feel good factor creeps in. Sometimes complacency sets in. What
may be done to nurture the relationship at this point? Consider what adults do,
after the attaining their final shoe size. They keep the interest alive by exploring
new depths like shoe designs, colours, materials etc. within the given shoe
size. Relationships also need to be kept alive and vibrant by exploring new avenues
to keep the relationship intact. That’s when both feet and relationships remain
comfortable and flourish.
Experience of each phase of a relationship is unique for an individual as also the time spent on each phase. This may vary from relationship to relationship for the same person too.
Other readings on relationships:
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