March musings...

Period of my life: Teenage. Early adulthood

Note to self: “This, I will do/definitely not do this with my kids… Yes, I’ll set right everything that my parents did wrong with me. Can’t go wrong. After all I’ve gone through it!”

Saved in: No digitally enabled ‘To Do’ apps at the time. But saved in indelible ink in the deep recesses of my mind. Can’t forget. No, never.

My attitude: Smug. “Just you wait and watch, Mum & Dad. I’ll show you how it’s done.”

Period of my life: Early parenthood. Early. Very early.

Note to self: “Wow. This is great. Did such a being of adorable joy really spring from me? Awesomeness in a squiggly bundle.”

Saved in: First hard disk of parenthood.

My attitude: Bliss. Sheer bliss. With all the minor attendant problems. Minor. Really minor.

Period of my life: Young parenthood. Young. Maybe up to 10 years…

Note to self: “Patience Ann. Patience…It’s a phase. You know the terrible 2’s. But nobody told me it extends to the 3’s, and the 4’s, 5’s….? Must be early onset of adolescence.”

Saved in: Temporary files. Definitely temporary. RAM.

My attitude: Frazzled. Voyage of discovery…of new temperaments in self.

Period of my life: Adolescent parenthood

Note to self: “Let me refer my notes. In the deep recesses of my mind. Find anything similar? Nope. Cross reference with others in same boat. I’m not the only one rudderless. Thank goodness for small mercies! Reasoning comes of help: You know, times are different from my days - internet, gaming etc.”    

Saved in: Caused a systemic crash. RAM has now been expanded.

My attitude: New lessons in forbearance. Giving advice? Forget it. It’s wasted breath. But its mine to waste. So, I will. Anxious thoughts subtly creep in. “Where am I going wrong? How, when I took arduous notes as I was growing up?” Paradoxically, in the midst of all this, a sense of deep satisfaction that a level of maturity is also growing in the offspring. Can be hands free for a while. Phew!

Period of my life: Late teenage/ Young adult parenthood

Note to self: “Our children are not us. Each one is unique. Period.” Easy to say. Takes time to ingest. That’s why parenthood spans an entire lifetime.

Saved in: In the deep recesses of my mind. Overwritten old data. Ongoing. Evolving. Musings in a blog…   

My learning: 

I've come a full circle. New found respect for quite a few things the parents did. It’s tough being a parent. Emotionally high at times. Gut wrenching at others. Nothing prepares you for it. No manual. No academics. No experience. Nothing. You wing it. Always. You make mistakes. And learn from them…in hindsight. At times, you hit a jackpot. At others, it questions your sanity. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. It defines you as nothing else ever does.

We are individuals. Single. Separate. Different. I made my mistakes growing up. Am who I am because of them. I want to prevent my offspring from making ‘perceived’ mistakes. But realise that he needs to make his own. His choice. That’s the toughest one. I can guide. His choice to follow. He is his own. Not my extension. Let him stay. Let him go. Let him fly. Let him fall. Let him be. No expectations. Well save one – Let him be true to himself and embrace life’s experiences. 

The least and the best I can do? To be a mindful parent at all times, embracing all that it entails. Cherishing. Evolving. To be there, through every period – the highs and the lows. As a pillar of support. Back end support. 24/7/365. Forever. Always. In this world. And beyond…

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-      Musings of an evolving parent

Ann Joseph