When the mind settles into itself

Last week, on an early morning flight, I struggled to find sleep. I closed my eyes, and what do I find? A cacophony of thoughts which refused to let me fly…to fly to the land of bliss. My mind knows that my body needs its rest before a full day’s work. I know the theory…close eyes…blank my mind…. but no, did not work. My thoughts and ideas were determined to have their dance. And through their dance, hold my mind hostage.

Hostage? Isn’t that too strong a word? Absolutely not. What else can I call it? When thoughts hold the mind in a tightening grip. Against its will? Surely not. Did I ever pause to listen to the mind? To allow the self to come to mind?

If I did, I would liken my mind to the incessant chatter of a monkey. After a point, I become unaware of little else. It becomes the norm.  The thoughts that flit through, the feelings and emotions. They become so much a part of me, that I tend to forget. To forget that I am not my thoughts. I am not my feelings. I am not my emotions. Silence of the mind was an alien concept to me, till a few years ago, till mindfulness came to play.

So, I settled into my flight. Closed my eyes and began the focus again…this time on the thoughts that held court in my mind. I allowed them to be. I shifted focus to my breath. In and out. So much a pattern. And noticed that they did not falter. They rose and fell like the tide of the ocean. Slowly and steadily. Rolling in and out gently. They rise, only to fall. And fall, before they rise. Unending. Always. Where would I be without my breath? That was a thought. And I found that thoughts still demanded entry into my mind. But this time, they flitted through. They gently floated through the rooms of my mind with the waves of my breath.

I noticed that when I shifted my awareness to my breath, my thoughts lost their stranglehold on me. I am no longer my thoughts. They are a small part of me, much like my breath, much like I am part of this whole universe. My emotions no longer feed me. I realise that I feed them, by dwelling too much on them. Letting go… like the waves of the ocean. Rising and falling. Experiencing them in the moment and letting go.

And let go, I did. To the land of breathing and living in the magical awareness of the soul. The cusp between the conscious and unconscious. Unaware that I had fallen asleep. Awareness to conscious reality, only when I was awoken by the flight attendant for meals.