Anger Management: Part 2

In my last blog, I talked about the fact that extraneous factors do not press the trigger button for anger. We do, because much as we would like to believe that we do not have a choice, the truth is that we do. We push the trigger button for anger because we choose to.

Anger is such a ‘hot’ subject that I figured it warranted another write-up. This time I want to discuss about the emotional aspect of anger. We are largely led to believe that anger is a negative emotion and that it is not good to get angry. However, psychologists say that it is one of the basic emotions that need to be experienced fully. Let me share my experience with anger.

All through my childhood and early adulthood, I have been an extremely calm person. All this changed, seemingly without provocation, in the blink of an eye, under changed circumstances. And I started experiencing and expressing anger in different situations and levels. This seemingly about turn made no sense to me. Having never ever felt anger for much of my life, I suddenly felt I had metamorphosed into a different being entirely at times. And I began to feel guilty about getting angry. Now, that can be a vicious circle.
Till sometime ago, when I finally realised that I have both calmness and anger within me, as two ends of a spectrum. I let these two ends of the spectrum have a dialogue with each other. The realisation I came to was that both form an essential part of who I am and one is not better than the other, neither do either of them control who I am. Both are good in their own time and place, if expressed in a healthy manner, as they both have their own positive intentions. Once the acceptance came in, the guilt vanished and a collapse of the two extremities happened. This resulted in a new found sense of calmness and an ability to take ownership of my thoughts and feelings; and an ability to express my anger, if I so want to, in a manner that I want to. Always keeping in mind that it’s always my finger on the trigger button, not somebody else’s.


With this awareness has also come the experience that my decision to choose calmness over anger much of the time is surely becoming an intrinsic, unconscious one. I also realise that anger, far from being a negative emotion, bears a positive influence if expressed in a healthy manner. Because it’s the intention behind it that's important - the primary focus being to deepen a relationship.


For the first part of this series read my blog Anger Management