Ten life learning’s

The past 10 days have been enforced rest, courtesy an infection that’s taking time to heal. Having nothing better to do, my mind has had a field time jumping from one scenario to another, all in the fantasy world. In the midst of this mental frolicking, it has also had time to ponder on what could be the learning’s that I could derive from this experience.
So here are my ten life learning's of the past few days, in random order.

1. Take time to reflect on what is important and what’s not. Things considered to be of life or death importance may not appear so when reasoned upon in quiet reflection. You would be pleasantly surprised at what is ultimately important to you.
2.  Let go of one-upmanship in relationships. Life is more important than a game of one-upmanship. Very often in the game of one-upmanship the other person(s) remain ignorant of the game being played.
3. The little things in life matter the most…like the ability to get a good night’s rest. Be thankful for them.
4. Search for the small things to appreciate in another person. It may seem inconsequential to you, but of great consequence to the other.
5. Focus on and magnify the good done by others. Ignore and blur the irritating parts. Everyone has their quirks.
6. You have tremendous goodwill working for you…from people and the universe around. You may be unaware of it. Believe in it.
7. The mind is willing but the flesh is weak…without adequate rest. There is only so much that the human body can drive itself to do without adequate rest, especially after a certain age.
8. Take care of your voice. It is perhaps the one main outlet of all your thoughts and desires and taken for granted most of the time.  Voice abuse can happen when we raise our voice in anger, in excitement. Voicing our opinions as a matter of freedom of speech without giving thought to its impact on others, may also leave a detrimental effect.
9. The mind is capable of immense potential…to take care of the body. Having positive thoughts influences that.
10. There is a positive intention behind every single thing that happens in our lives. Meditate & search for that. It will provide meaning to life.  

Anger Management: Part 2

In my last blog, I talked about the fact that extraneous factors do not press the trigger button for anger. We do, because much as we would like to believe that we do not have a choice, the truth is that we do. We push the trigger button for anger because we choose to.

Anger is such a ‘hot’ subject that I figured it warranted another write-up. This time I want to discuss about the emotional aspect of anger. We are largely led to believe that anger is a negative emotion and that it is not good to get angry. However, psychologists say that it is one of the basic emotions that need to be experienced fully. Let me share my experience with anger.

All through my childhood and early adulthood, I have been an extremely calm person. All this changed, seemingly without provocation, in the blink of an eye, under changed circumstances. And I started experiencing and expressing anger in different situations and levels. This seemingly about turn made no sense to me. Having never ever felt anger for much of my life, I suddenly felt I had metamorphosed into a different being entirely at times. And I began to feel guilty about getting angry. Now, that can be a vicious circle.
Till sometime ago, when I finally realised that I have both calmness and anger within me, as two ends of a spectrum. I let these two ends of the spectrum have a dialogue with each other. The realisation I came to was that both form an essential part of who I am and one is not better than the other, neither do either of them control who I am. Both are good in their own time and place, if expressed in a healthy manner, as they both have their own positive intentions. Once the acceptance came in, the guilt vanished and a collapse of the two extremities happened. This resulted in a new found sense of calmness and an ability to take ownership of my thoughts and feelings; and an ability to express my anger, if I so want to, in a manner that I want to. Always keeping in mind that it’s always my finger on the trigger button, not somebody else’s.


With this awareness has also come the experience that my decision to choose calmness over anger much of the time is surely becoming an intrinsic, unconscious one. I also realise that anger, far from being a negative emotion, bears a positive influence if expressed in a healthy manner. Because it’s the intention behind it that's important - the primary focus being to deepen a relationship.


For the first part of this series read my blog Anger Management

Anger Management

Familiar sounding terms? There are umpteen training programs and trainers that specialise in anger management. Are we to then assume that anger is an emotion that is not productive and therefore to be managed? Let’s probe this a little deeper.  

When do we get angry? When things don’t go our way? When someone else makes us angry? When we get frustrated? When someone doesn’t understand us? The list is endless…Consider the reasons closely. Almost all of the reasons will be attributed to a source or reason outside of us. Something which is ‘apparently’ outside of our control. What is the implication of this? Consider the following two response options: 

1.  When I get angry and say that someone or something outside of me ‘made’ me angry, what I am actually implying is that I have given that someone or something else power over my emotions. Think it over. In this world where we prize our independence and ability to think and act for ourselves so highly, is that what we want to do? Surrender the power over our emotional framework to someone or something outside of us? Where is the independence and ability to think and act for ourselves being manifest here? 

2. What if on the other hand, I recognise that while the other person or thing has created a situation which is not what I want, I retain the choice to react to that changed situation in a manner that I want to.

Which response do you think gives me greater power and flexibility? In the latter response, I retain my independence and ability to manage my own emotions, because I recognise that I can decide how I choose to react.

When we become aware of and recognise that this centre of control lies within us, and not with extraneous situations or persons, that’s when true anger management comes in. Because in that recognition comes the realisation that anger need not be managed. Since we now can choose to respond in one of many different ways.

We also start looking at the situation more closely and consider what could be the positive intention behind it. And when we uncover that positive meaning of that feeling of angst, we open up to ourselves a whole new world of response possibilities, putting the control of our emotions squarely within ourselves.      


For further readings on Anger Management read my next blog Anger Management: part 2