Anger Management

Familiar sounding terms? There are umpteen training programs and trainers that specialise in anger management. Are we to then assume that anger is an emotion that is not productive and therefore to be managed? Let’s probe this a little deeper.  

When do we get angry? When things don’t go our way? When someone else makes us angry? When we get frustrated? When someone doesn’t understand us? The list is endless…Consider the reasons closely. Almost all of the reasons will be attributed to a source or reason outside of us. Something which is ‘apparently’ outside of our control. What is the implication of this? Consider the following two response options: 

1.  When I get angry and say that someone or something outside of me ‘made’ me angry, what I am actually implying is that I have given that someone or something else power over my emotions. Think it over. In this world where we prize our independence and ability to think and act for ourselves so highly, is that what we want to do? Surrender the power over our emotional framework to someone or something outside of us? Where is the independence and ability to think and act for ourselves being manifest here? 

2. What if on the other hand, I recognise that while the other person or thing has created a situation which is not what I want, I retain the choice to react to that changed situation in a manner that I want to.

Which response do you think gives me greater power and flexibility? In the latter response, I retain my independence and ability to manage my own emotions, because I recognise that I can decide how I choose to react.

When we become aware of and recognise that this centre of control lies within us, and not with extraneous situations or persons, that’s when true anger management comes in. Because in that recognition comes the realisation that anger need not be managed. Since we now can choose to respond in one of many different ways.

We also start looking at the situation more closely and consider what could be the positive intention behind it. And when we uncover that positive meaning of that feeling of angst, we open up to ourselves a whole new world of response possibilities, putting the control of our emotions squarely within ourselves.      


For further readings on Anger Management read my next blog Anger Management: part 2