The dance of truth

As butterflies we go from flower to flower

Searching for nectar, from sunlight to bower

A searing presence, few moments at a time

Fleeting in intensity, reflective of its time.

What do I do? Asks the deep from within

What do I say? Ask the words therein

Do I allow the words to fly free

Forming sentences that would surely be me?

Do I instead rein them in?

Holding the patterns of thoughts within?

What would happen if the rails were set free?

Would it let loose a different me?   

What is it that sets the barrier line

From expressing who I really am?

A fear of loss, maybe perceived slight

A fear of rejection, all located in the mind.  

Vulnerability, that’s what I aim to hide

Covered in words & actions aimed right.

Little realizing that in doing so

I bury myself in images that mow.

Till I wake up & fling the covering layers

Taking courage in my hands, a self that dares

To be who I am, to say what I feel

Being truthful within, compassionately healed.

The dance of truth, flitting from bower to bow

Let loose on its flight & homing in low

Finding its restful place, completeness within

A kindred soul, met on the journey therein.

-              Ann Joseph

List of poems penned:
Blessed are thy ways oh Lord http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/blessed-are-thy-ways-o-lord.html
Life - an Illusion http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/life-illusion.html
An Ode to my mother - http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/an-ode-to-my-mother.html
Remembrances http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/remembrances.html
Aloneness http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2013/10/aloneness.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/moments.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/when-love-finds-self.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/12/what-is-love.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/the-dance-of-truth.html

Memories may fade…yet love lives on

Words dance on my lips, and flit away

As I seek to catch them, wondering if I may

Be allowed to express them, seeking to understand

Words that hover on the fringes, like footprints in the sand.

As I remember the years gone by, just about two

I wonder what had happened, my apparent waterloo

A watershed, a marking, an etching in stone

A burden too heavy for a time to bemoan.

Now I turn back and look…nothing in sight

A mirage, a feeling, an experience, like a soaring kite

Searching for images, few come to mind

Fewer than before, and of a different kind.

Memories? I can scarce bring to mind

Vividness of colour and clarity rescind   

I struggle to hear the haunting melody of voice

Lost in the cacophony of daily noise.

Fading memories, yet sustaining love

A never ending well, a strong hull

Mellower and deeper, a feeling that’s within

A soulful communion with my mother within.

-          -  Ann Joseph  

      (written in loving memory of my mother, this second year of remembrance)

List of poems penned:
Blessed are thy ways oh Lord http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/blessed-are-thy-ways-o-lord.html
Life - an Illusion http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/life-illusion.html
An Ode to my mother - http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/an-ode-to-my-mother.html
Remembrances http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/remembrances.html
Aloneness http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2013/10/aloneness.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/moments.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/when-love-finds-self.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/12/what-is-love.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/the-dance-of-truth.html

Moments...

Moments expand into a lifetime, 
A lifetime compresses into a moment;
A moment to come, a moment to go
The story of our lives…from first breath to last.

Moment by moment…a year passes by;
Quickly, yet slowly…just as is needed within
Bringing healing in pain, joy in sorrow
Knowing that in the twain, lie growth in the morrow.

A moment to remember, another to forget
Tears in one moment, laughter the next
Moments of anxiety, not knowing what’s next
Forgotten in moments of surety, knowing what’s best.
  
Moments of divine love, bringing solace unshakable
Confined to the need, yet vast and unmeasurable.
Moment by moment, we each learn to live
Pressed down, yet soaring…fleeting, yet eternal.

-       Ann Joseph

Written in November 2013, in memory of my Mum’s 1^st death anniverasry

List of poems penned:
Blessed are thy ways oh Lord http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/blessed-are-thy-ways-o-lord.html
Life - an Illusion http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/life-illusion.html
An Ode to my mother - http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/an-ode-to-my-mother.html
Remembrances http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/remembrances.html
Aloneness http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2013/10/aloneness.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/moments.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/when-love-finds-self.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/12/what-is-love.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/the-dance-of-truth.html

When love finds the self....

Confusion abounds in the life of the soul

When love draws near, scattering the whole

Life as its known, goes on a twist

Impressions galore, fleeting as the mist.

Losing oneself, yet finding the self

Hidden in depths, treasures in myself

Leaning on someone, now here then gone

Mist over the moor, a long drawn moan.

Where the self, where is it gone?

Lost in the love of someone bygone

Searching for self in another day's morn

Yet the mirror reflects the eye of the storm.

At home in the present, love comes to abide

Chaotic yet peaceful, a nugget to hide.

Blooming like a Lily, pure as the light

Arising from shadows, Phoenix in the night.

When love finds its soul, stilling the quest

It blooms from within, encompassing the nest

A nugget to treasure, from within not without

Radiating kindness, compassion, nothing to withhold.

- Ann Joseph

List of poems penned:
Blessed are thy ways oh Lord http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/blessed-are-thy-ways-o-lord.html
Life - an Illusion http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/life-illusion.html
An Ode to my mother - http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/an-ode-to-my-mother.html
Remembrances http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/remembrances.html
Aloneness http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2013/10/aloneness.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/moments.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/when-love-finds-self.html

Illusions of (in)adequacy

Its been a while since I updated my blog. Interactions with people the past few weeks have made me put finger to keyboard again!  

In my conversations with people from different walks of life over past few days, I have heard subtle cries for help. I have sensed deep desires to climb out of a pit of doubt, self-consciousness and silent misery; of a feeling of inadequacy. Nothing overtly expressed, until gentle understanding from kindred souls draw it hesitantly out.

Very often, these are covered up with a hearty laugh, a smile, a gesture. Little do we see past the facade which so cleverly masks the inner anguish. Do feelings of inadequacy well up inside you at times? I guess they do arise within us at different times, in different ways.

We become like chameleons - adept at camouflage. It becomes a habit so ingrained that we fail to distinguish between illusion and reality. The illusion becomes the airbrush that masks the terrain. Very often this arises from the thought – what will others think? So the illusion begins to mark the terrain deeper, till it scores into the earth and develops roots. A mind-made forest emerges, which chokes the ‘self’ to a shriveling mass within. Left to die, yet cannot die – the source of life within.

So what do we do? An analogy comes to mind. A recent painting project at my house revealed the process to getting a good coat of paint.

1. Masking - First comes the masking, of all things which need to be retained the way it is. So let’s first identify all things which we are perfectly happy with. Mask it to keep it on.
2. Gentle Sanding – Now comes the seemingly easy part of gentle sanding of the walls of our lives that we are unhappy with. This involves going within and being with ourselves. Yesterday, someone mentioned that it is scary to shut the world out and be with ourselves! To the un-initiated it may appear so. So gently sand the walls and go to the deeper question – In feeling inadequate, what do I really want? What is it that 'want' within me that I desire to fill with something that someone outside can give me? 
3. First coat of primer & ‘putty’ – having reached the root, it now has to be strengthened. Here come the resources that need to be identified. Strengths that are within. Got a few in mind? Good. 
4. Sanding a second time – and this one’s strong. Don’t we find it difficult to identify hidden inner strengths and resources? A person was flabbergasted when I asked to list at least 20 inner strengths, capabilities and resources. Look back at all the times that you have excelled. What did you have that enabled your excellence? List them.  Why stop at 20, go for a century! You’ll be surprised. Another person once copiously wrote five pages of resources!
5. Second coat of primer - Now it’s time for those newly resurrected strengths to get settled in and strengthen.  Keep playing them in your head. Visualise future situations where you get to use them, situations where you would earlier feel inadequate.
6. Coats of paint – Now all you need to do is colour your world by choosing to be yourself, exhibiting all your resources in all their glory. Choose to have the controls to ‘feeling good’ with you – not hand them over others.
7. Unmasking of that which was masked – wholeness is essential. Be yourself. Let’s take charge of our lives.    
   
     

    Have questions? Reach out to me - send an email!

In stillness...

How many of us are comfortable with stillness? We tend to surround ourselves with voices, sounds, people, laughter…seeking comfort and a reason for living in them. While they all play a part in shaping, developing and providing meaning in our lives, do we ever take the time to quieten down and be still?

‘Stress management’, ‘Slowing down’ are all jargons that have somehow become words that are bandied about by all and sundry. These words conjure up visions of idyllic holiday spots and activities that are again filled to the brim with…well, voices, sounds, people, laughter. So what’s different? The stresses and anxieties get waylaid for a while, providing a temporary relief to many; only to raise their heads at the next opportunity.

Are you comfortable with stillness? In stillness…I find what I want to find. It could be love, comfort, God, the Spirit, relief, joy, sounds or music. The words from William Wordsworth’s famous poem, ‘The solitary reaper’, come to mind:
“I listened, motionless and still;
And, as I mounted up the hill,
The music in my heart I bore,
Long after it was heard no more.”

What strikes me here is the idea of listening to stillness, and carrying away its music in the heart.

• In stillness, my world slows down and the mind pays attention to the soul within. 
• In stillness, I listen to my body and become aware of subtle nuances that I would otherwise miss. 
• In stillness, I become aware of my breath and how my whole being rests on that simple pattern of inhalation and exhalation. 
• In stillness, I realise that all that matters is internal, not external; that all I need is within, not without. I realise that all that is without can only add to the experience from within. 
• In stillness, I experience that my core is within. 
• In stillness, comes a sense of oneness with the divinity or the spirit within, a peace, a communion with the self. 
• In stillness, I experience the motion within.

With stillness, come purity, refined thoughts and words that don’t matter. The words of the song ‘Hallelujah’ by Leonard Cohen are very apt:

“There’s a blaze of light in every word
It doesn’t matter what you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah”

With stillness comes awareness of myself as a whole. An awareness, that starts the process of transformation from within.
With stillness, comes a sense of equanimity, inside and out.

So take time to be still, and listen to the voices from within. Take time to be still, and listen to the music within. Take time to be still, and listen to the secrets of the silence within. Take time to be still, and be attentive to what is going on within. Take time to be still, and become aware of the movements within. Take time to be still and harness your strengths from within.

Take time to be still...and just be...

Aloneness

Still voices, trills of laughter abound

Relationships which matter, people around

Company a keeping, yet chasms surround

The deep within - the unknown yonder.

Together, yet alone; deep yearnings galore

Ideals of relationships, fostered through years

Desires of complete union, nurtured within

Unbaked clay, never to see the potter’s kiln.

Union and separateness: two halves to a whole

Calm winds and raging tempests, the eye of the storm

Separateness experienced in the wholeness of union

Yet true union savoured by chosen few in the world.

Can there be separateness, when union is incomplete?

Or complete union when separateness is severed?

The self floats around, finding comfort in neither

Till courage stands still and lets go of either.

Letting go of desires, cravings within

Self with self, Union from deep within

The known with the unknown, shadow plays with light

Finding beauty in aloneness, for such is light.
 -Ann Joseph

List of poems penned:
Blessed are thy ways oh Lord http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/blessed-are-thy-ways-o-lord.html
Life - an Illusion http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/life-illusion.html
An Ode to my mother - http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/an-ode-to-my-mother.html
Remembrances http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/remembrances.html
Aloneness http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2013/10/aloneness.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/moments.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/when-love-finds-self.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/12/what-is-love.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/the-dance-of-truth.html