Communication Patterns

At some point of time or other, haven’t we all experienced a sense of frustration when all that we say or do holds absolutely no sway or influence over another? 

Forms the pattern of our lives, some may say. That is so very true. We get so entrenched and comfortable in our own patterns of thinking and communicating that we begin to expect others to fall in line with our specific patterns of thoughts and communication.  When we have this expectation of others, we certainly set ourselves up for uncertainty in wielding influence over those we wish to influence. What may be done to ensure that what others perceive is precisely what we intended to communicate, so as to ensure greater circles of influence? Well, first of all, we can hone awareness of our own patterns of communication.

Consider how we perceive our surroundings. 

Let’s for a moment, imagine taking a walk in a beautiful butterfly garden... Imagine the multitude of vibrant, colourful butterflies flitting around from flower to flower. Sun-kissed flowers in every colour imaginable set against the brilliant green foliage.  Butterflies of varying sizes, shapes and species. Listen to the sound of the wind gently blowing and the rustling of the leaves and flowers as they sway from side to side. Pay attention to the sounds of the bumble bees and the butterflies as they communicate with each other, each in their special coded language. Feel the weight of the butterfly as it lands on a delicate flower, and sucks the ambrosia of the flower. It’s lightness as it appears to float away on the gentle breeze carrying with it the dusting of pollen on its body.

What draws you into and enthralls you in this gentle wonderland as you take this walk? Is it the beauty that beholds the eye, the sweet whispers of sounds, or even the all-pervasive feeling of beauty, gentleness and lightness of movement?  In other words, is it the sights, the sounds or the feelings that make your experience all the more fulfilling for it?

Take a moment to reflect and ponder its significance. For in that reflection lies the understanding of your predominant and preferred pattern of communication.  A pattern of communication, which may find varying degrees of reflection and sameness in the patterns exhibited by others. Our ability to influence through communication depends on the degree of sameness in preferred patterns of communication between us and those whom we seek to influence.

The answer to ensuring greater influence in communication, my friend, lies in the degree of flexibility we exhibit in our own communication patterns in order to attain a greater degree of sameness with the patterns preferred by others. 

Greater flexibility to adapt to different patterns of communication enables greater overlapping and confluence, which in turn leads to wider circles of influence.  

For further readings on communication, read my next blog Take charge of your communication.

Rapport in Selling

What keeps the so called ‘super’ salesperson apart from the others? Many factors.  Primary among them would be the uncanny ability to establish a sense of connectedness with the customer. For many a ‘super’ salesperson, the ability to establish this sense of connection appears, at first glance, to be almost inborn. Maybe it is. Or maybe it is a behaviour modelled from others, or even a skill that has been honed in by years of practice and perfection that it now appears almost ethereal.

This sense of connection with customers goes beyond the superficial, to a depth of understanding that defies all logic at times. For the customer and salesperson could be poles apart in personality, likes and lifestyle. Gone are the days when one could walk into a client’s room, comment on the knickknacks and décor of the room, and hope to establish a connection with him. In this age of super computers and smart phones, can customers be lagging behind? We nowadays have ‘super’ customers and ‘smart’ customers, who have been programmed to sniff out the artificial bonhomie and become vary of ‘salespersons’ as a tribe. 

So is this almost magical connection that ‘super’ salespersons appear to have with customers, a gift for the chosen few? If this magic is understood and given sufficient practice, can it be imbibed as a behaviour pattern by all? Most fervently, the latter.

The magic lies in the ability to become aware. Become aware of patterns. Life is a dynamic pattern of intricate designs. Think about it. There is a pattern in everything we do. The way we sleep, talk, dress, relate to people, make decisions and even buy things. This pattern gives beauty, meaning and a sense of purpose to our lives. We oftentimes get the feeling of being lost and adrift on an island, if we lose the thread of this beautiful pattern. These patterns very often define our sense of being. And the beauty is that each of us has our very own unique structure of patterns. These appear so simple to us that they have become an integral way of our lives. While to those who observe us, it might seem to be a complex maze which apparently leads nowhere. But even a maze has a way out. Provided we pay attention and become aware of the patterns in it.

Consider this. What would it mean if a salesperson sensed to some degree, the customer’s unique pattern of thought, behaviour and choices? And what would he get if he had that? A map to understand the customer’s pattern of being, living, decision making and buying.  With the added benefit of having the almost magical skill to relate with the customer in the pattern that he is comfortable with, and the mystical, yet simplistic ability to sell to him in the pattern that he buys. Is it possible? A resounding yes. What does it call for? 
A greater sense of awareness of patterns, within ourselves and others, which in turn leads to greater rapport in selling.

For further readings on selling, go to my posts on:

Five secrets to confident communication in sales
Saying No to the customer
Service in 'Customer Focus' while selling
Selling with a difference

Awareness in Rapport

What does it mean to ‘be’ with someone? For some it may mean spending time together, to others - doing things together, spending quality time together, listening to the other…the list is endless. Take a moment to ponder… “When I last spent time with someone, did I come away all the more richer for having kept self aside and soaked in all the nuances that were said or left unsaid?”

In this world of fast moving vehicles, products which reach their shelf life even before they are launched, information that can be accessed at speeds that appear to move faster than light, it is but quite natural to want to be quick. There is no time to waste. So we meet people, talk to them, feel for them, even listen – all the while cruising along life’s freeway. And we deem our relationships to be successful. Maybe, just maybe they are. Are they however, just touching the tip of the iceberg of what a wholesome, meaningful relationship could potentially be? Just like the iceberg, are we giving credence to what skims the surface and build our relationships on what could, at best be a tenuous bridge of togetherness? Is it possible go below that tenuous bridge built at the top of the iceberg and base the foundation of a relationship on the more solid, chunky base that is lurking below what is visible? Awareness brings in that possibility.

What does awareness mean? Does it even have to mean anything? The cognitive mind rests easy when it puts a meaning to the word. Wikipedia defines awareness as "the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects or sensory patterns."   

When a person is able to experience the presence of another being, without giving a label to the feelings and thoughts that come to mind…When a person listens to the other without giving importance to the multitude of thoughts that race through the mind at a billion knots per second… When a person sees the plethora of expressions that flit across the other’s face without giving in to the urge to give meaning to it… That’s when awareness steps in. And when awareness steps in, there is a suspension of judgement. When judgement is suspended, communication is open. When communication is open, there is an inexplicable sense of connectedness.

A sense of rapport that has its basis on simple awareness goes a long way to establish a feeling of trust. If we let awareness slip through our fingers, that sense of trust will shatter like a million glass pieces.

What would rapport be like if it is based only on awareness of the other person? I would reckon it to be like the branches of two weeping willows that strain to touch, blowing gently with the wind, connecting at periodic intervals.

Rapport is more firmly established when there is awareness, first of self and then of others. Becoming aware of the thoughts, pictures, voices, desires and feelings that course though our minds and bodies, leads us to a state of just ‘being in the moment’, which in turn enables a greater sense of awareness of others.

This true awareness is what gently leads to a sense of magic, a state of being where there is symphony even in silence.

For further readings on awareness, read my blog Mind with Awareness.