Jaipur days

I'm on the last leg of the 14 day covid19 institutional quarantine period, post a trans-pacific travel ✈️. The body is locked up in a 17"x12" room, however the mind is free to roam. And roam it does, and brings to mind the last enjoyable travel I did on my own to Jaipur aka the Pink City, last November. So much has happened post that, that reflections on this visit took a backseat. Now triggered, without doubt, by my recent reading of Alka Joshi's book - "The Henna Artist". 📖

If you've been reading my blogs, you may recollect that I had written a piece in 2017 on the reactions of people 👀 when my other half did a solo holiday trip. And if you've not, you could read it if you wish - Separateness in togetherness. Well, in Nov 2019, I had a work related visit to the city of Jaipur in Rajasthan. Jaipur was always on my 'must visit' list of places, so I worked things around such that I'd get a day before and after my work schedule, to see Jaipur - solo. Yeah, finally! 😁. 

Well, as is usual, I did my research of places to visit, things to buy et al. I was all set to land in Jaipur (a city established in 1727) a day early, so that I could take in the sights of the city. Fortunately or unfortunately, my flight was a good 5 hours delayed, throwing to the wind my scheduled sight seeing plans for the day. Well, I adapted. 

Unexpected sights 

I was fortunate that I got chatting with the driver of the very first Uber I booked for a late evening visit to my first planned port of call, the Hawa Mahal (loosely translated as the wind palace - owing to the windows where women folk of the palace would stand and look down at the going ons below). I must say that the sight of the Hawa Mahal by night (my first view, owing to the delayed flight), 

trumps that by day. Don't you agree? 

You see that pink colour? Well, just imagine that reflected in most buildings dotted across the city... giving the city it's moniker of 'the pink city' . 

Coming back to my story, the Uber driver was a mine of information, and he suggested sights which I had not planned for. Moral of the story - check with the locals as they may have better ideas than the visitor. What did he suggest? A late evening light and sound show at the Amber palace at the outskirts of Jaipur, which was simple amazing.

A view of the Jal Mahal (water palace - by the way, I read that 4 floors are under water) by night was also thrown in

As also a daytime view on a later day... I'm sure your agree that there sure is charm in the beauty of the night 🌃

Remember, this was a working trip... So once the work day was done, I explored the handicrafts of the region. From the traditional bangles made of lac (a gummy substance obtained from an insect - know more about it here https://www.worldartcommunity.com/blog/2018/11/love-for-lac/) ;

Gorgeous Kundan jewellery;

To hand crafted joothis (can't figure out if it's a case of the joothis making the feet look beautiful or vice versa 😂, comfortable too);

And the unique Blue pottery of Jaipur (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Pottery_of_Jaipur). 

I bought it all. What I did not buy were the more common Jaipur hand block printed sheets etc., which were not the flavour of the month for me. 

By the way, did I tell you that I'd packed more space, less luggage for my onward trip? 🛅😂

Uber sights by day

Come the weekend, and the real sightseeing begins. The same Uber driver, with whom I'd struck a deal for a days trip, reached right on time and we attempted to pack in as much as we could in 6 hours (I was scheduled to fly out the same evening). 

First, we went back to the scene of the light and sound show - Amber palace. Eschewing an elephant ride up to the palace (been there, done that), 

I was left astounded at the architecture of times begone - with walls and ceilings hand painted in gold and natural colours;

The natural ventilation for the summers (indoor waterways) 

Adapted as well for the winters (tiny mirrors which reflect candles lit at night to bring warmth). 

A visit to Jaigad fort, brings alive the water harvesting techniques within the ramparts of the fort.

Then the visit I had been waiting for... The city palace.

The blue room redefines the royal blue colour of my imagination.... 

The candle light reflections on the walls of the Sheesh Mahal (mirror hall). As you can see, this view is just with 2 candles. Now imagine this room with a 1000 candles💯)... 

The inlay of meenakari (a process of enamelling) workmanship on the walls of the Gold hall... 

The guides sure know the best spots and angles for pictures, pandering to the inner dormant royalty in us... 

Wouldn't you agree that the tour of the palace rooms is worth every penny of the 3K I paid? Unfortunately many visitors don't. I'm glad I did. 

Not to forget that the courtyard of the palace is house to this large silver urn (Gangajali) which finds a mention in the book "The Henna Artist". It's supposed to be the largest silver object in the world and can carry upto 900 gallons of pure water from the Ganges for the king's bath on the voyage to Britain. 🛀💦 Really? I'd opt for this 🚿 everytime 😂

After the city palace, I just had enough time for a quick tour of the Albert hall museum. It pales in comparison. Nevertheless, it's replete with artifacts from across the world, including an Egyptian mummy. 

A quick pick up of my luggage and it's back to the airport for the flight home. 🔙 Replete with the sights and sounds of a historical city, I'd only heard of. 

A feeling of accomplishment that it was a solo trip gone well 😎...Communion with the soul, a being of oneness with the self. 

Indeed there is separateness in togetherness too (refer my blog Separateness in togetherness for the reference). I'd surely recommend it to all women (and men, in case you haven't had a chance to have a solo vacation... after marriage, that is 😊)... At least once in a lifetime...I'd suggest you put it on your 'to do' list, post this covid period. As the ad says... "You are worth it" ☺️

90 days

Great expectations

March 11 2020 

The start of what we (the Mr and I) expected to be a long awaited month long vacation, starting with a wedding in the family at Phoenix, Arizona, USA. Why long awaited? Well, it had been a decade since my last overseas trip, coincidently to the USA again, and a decade since I'd taken a much deserved long vacation (discounting the 3 days short vacations or the Christmas times spent with the parents. Those are not vacations in my opinion, just breaks 😊).

Much excitement in the air from months before- a wedding to attend and a vacation to plan. You can imagine! A friend very wisely told me in Jan /Feb this year that much of the enjoyment of a vacation is in the planning and researching for it. Well, that certainly was true for us, in hindsight. Youtube videos, good old wiki, traveller reviews etc. gave us much to imbibe even as we planned our trip in minute detail. Months spent on learning a new language, Spanish, for our trip to Peru. (Well, duolingo is certainly an app I'd recommend to anyone wanting to learn a new language.)

Come march 2020, and we were set, or so we thought 🙄. 

Strange realities

Then in Jan/feb 2020 came the Corona to crown the vacation of all vacations. Come march 1st week 2020, and the question was - to do or not to do. Million dollar question - literally. Well, to cut a long story short, we decided to go ahead, mainly as we were to be the only immediate family representatives at the wedding, and partly also because the travel agent said that we would barely get any refunds of money spent. We decided to leave my "super senior" dad and "young adult" son in the care of each other for the next month and leave for the wedding. 

So off we went, armed with sanitisers, gloves and masks. Diligently disinfecting aircraft seats and well, we did not wear masks as the WHO then did not recommend it. Only to be greeted on arrival at Phoenix by the WHO news of declaring the covid 19 as a pandemic. 

One of the great parts of this story - it was one of the most enjoyable weddings I've ever attended (including my own 😉). From a slew of firsts - first henna on my hands (yes, imagine that!!), to my first group Indian dance at the wedding (I realised belatedly, that left and right leg/hand coordination is what it's all about 🙄), to experiencing a bridal shower (what fun it was to teach the Americans how to drape a saree😂), to a lovely and moving wedding ceremony, and the emotions of seeing a girl I'd fallen in love with when she was a 10 day old newborn, marrying the man of her dreams. And most importantly, no one from the wedding ceremony contracted the Corona. Phew ✌️

Then boom.... All well laid plans went kaput. Well, we did what mankind has always done well....we adapted. Decided to cut short our trip and return post haste after the wedding. Only to find our plans thwarted at every turn - cancelled flights, and a narrow miss of the window of opportunity return of the last flight into India, before clamp down on international flights into India. 

So then began our sojourn in Phoenix for the unforseeable future. Living in an airbnb (not my sister's place as some believed), practicing physical distancing became the norm - we simply avoided crowded places. Which meant that we stayed put at the airbnb. We were fortunate to live in a place where population density was less. Stepping aside to maintain physical distancing during a walk became an art form.  Hoping against hope that the Indian airspace would open up soon. 

And when it opened up, the endless emails/calls to the Embassy and others for help to find a way to get onto those few evacuation flights. Of hope and despair everytime a phase of flights would go by without our names on it. On and on, with no end in sight... Hope became our only support. 

Unprecedented learnings 

1. Remember what I said about researching for the vacation? Well, the universe decided that I had not done enough research...and it was true. I thought Arizona was all about the Grand Canyon (and it surely is beautiful and another majestic high point of our visit - I felt humbled beside it), 

the red rocks of Sedona,

the beauty and cold of Flagstaff

and the caves and museums. 

So life decided that it would teach me about the small things - the various Arizona cactii and it's beautiful blooms, 

the calls of the mockingbird, the strut of the Gamble Quail (click here for video - Gamble Quail ), the buoyancy of the hummingbirds, (click here for video - Hummingbird's buoyancy),

the life giving kiss of a bee, 

the freezing of a rabbit in fright, 

the rare sighting of the coyote, 

the sheer joy of sighting a bear, 

The slow slither of the long nose snake sunning itself on the sidewalk (click here for video - long nose snake), the silence of the rattlesnake, 

the upright posture of the round tailed ground squirrel (click here for video Round tail ground squirrel), the exhilarating feel of gravel and stones under the feet on a long tough mountain hike, 

and the myriad hues of the sunrises and sunsets.

And what a learning it was. Certainly not from youtube or wikipedia. But simply the best that one can have. From nature itself. Which I'd forgotten to do in the daily humdrum of life. 

2. I learnt to stop, take a pause and observe the subtle beauties of life, from one breath to the next, moment by moment. And I slowly learnt to cope day by day...with uncertainty, hope and despair, anxiety of leaving an elderly parent with a young adult son (well children are always young for a parent), loss of income and with complex human dynamics of people thrown together by a pandemic. 

3. I learnt that drawing on one's own internal resources for strength is easy to preach, more complex to make an ongoing habit through the toughest of times. Mind you, this despite my decade long experience in mindfulness practice and meditation. Some friends did comment that I was calm and collected, fewer know that I had my few moments of meltdown, when external events overcome the best of me. Many thought it was a second honeymoon for the Mr and me, an extended holiday. And while this gave us undiluted time together, I'm also grateful to the people who looked beyond the obvious and took time to  understand the not so obvious. Those who gave a call/texted  to check how we were doing. You know who you are - thank you! And I learnt the power of simple words of enquiry, a single call, a one line text... I learnt that even when I am strong emotionally, it is OK to lean on others at times, to take a moment to unburden my angst on another's shoulders. I learnt that it is fine to be able recognise my feelings for what they are and move on. I learnt that I don't have to be strong all the time. Above all, I learnt to go with the flow. To accept that even in uncertainties to rest assured that the One more powerful than I, holds the certainties in His hands. 

4. I also started looking for larger purposes 🕵️at work even in the most difficult of times. At times it did make sense to me. Oftentimes, it did not. What I do know however, is that the dots will surely join together for me some years down the line. 

5. Health - well one of the larger purposes was surely for both the Mr and I to become fitter 😊. Over 12 kg loss in weight for the Mr

and a modest 5.5 kg for me.

Well, modest it may be, but I became the weight I was when I got married💃. More importantly, a practice of intermittent fasting I'd started 2 years ago, took hold, expanded and became firm. 

Walking 🚶‍♀️as an exercise was a chore, I'd earlier conveniently skip whenever possible. 

Now, the 7 to 9 km daily walks became the lifeline of my existence. Documented faithfully through my face book posts. I craved the freshness it brought to my life. The simple act of acknowledging another human being (which I admire the Arizonians for), making new friends brought light to my life. Hopefully, walking is something that's reframed in my life for the positive. Time will tell... 

6. The well wishes from people known and unknown, the willingness of others to lend a helping hand when needed. A revelation that people just wait for opportunities to help, should we just ask for it. 

Greater sojourn endings 

Then the big announcement that tickets for evacuation flights would now be on sale! Morning wake up alarms were set, strategies worked out (after all it all boiled down to a game of fastest finger first with a little over 3000 seats for 40000 persons waiting for evacuation from the USA). The Mr would take the even dates, I'll do the odd dates - flights were scheduled from the 11th to 30th June. 

The nail biting finish. The first false start, I went all the way to payment only to find the seats blocked were no longer available. The phone touch screen let me down, as I'd incorrectly selected a seat. Nerves of steel required. The Mr telling me to be cool. Then he managed to get through to payment stage for a date, later realised it was for the 11th itself. Then yippee, payment through. Indescribable moment. Emotional release. I cried. A miracle had happened. 

I then rushed to check on the others in the group, as tickets were all unavailable within half an hour. They were all unsuccessful. Hour after hour of trying, and then miraculously 16th became available and tickets were booked for all. Phew! 

To cut a long story short, we quickly sorted out our travel to San francisco from where the evacuation flight started. First the journey to San francisco (which by the way was on our original itinerary - a day in reality versus the week originally planned). Apart from brief health scare the day before travel, some instances which warm the heart - the Mr's friend's insistence to show us some sights of the city (which for me was a blur as I had only one objective - to get on the flight AA1174). 

And more importantly for me, a dear friend who travelled to the airport, as she simply had to meet me when I "was in her backyard" (with covid precautions of course - air hugs, masks etc.) 😍

The return journey was not for the faint hearted. Standing for a total of 3 hours in 2 different queues - one for thermal check and another for check in,

surely took a toll on one legs (despite all the marathon walks). The masks and vizors did not make the journey any easier.

Prepacked meals kept on the seat (no piping hot service) jostled with leg space later.

A loaded wallet lost in the plane (and now found and awaited). A plethora of events and emotions. 

Oh, but the sweet sigh of relief on reaching Bengaluru.... Indescribable. The service and organisation at BIAL airport, one of the best I've seen. The covid care precautions taken (see baggage fumigation at Taj Vivanta ) and the warmth as well as courtesy at the Taj Vivanta hotel, touches the heart.

Day 2 of quarantine. The rest of the 14 day quarantine lies ahead and before long, it will be home sweet home. 

March 11 to June 11 

90 days - a dream......the present - a miracle. 

Every step along the way, a journey to get us to where we are to go. 

Breathe in the moment, it takes us to the next one. Each one a miracle. Let's slow down to experience it. 

Quarantine musings...

It's been about 3 months in a lockout from my home country, due to the pandemic. As I look back, I see so many near misses...if only's..and had they worked out, I would be in my home in my country at this moment, in quarantine - not in an airbnb in a country far away; I would be cooking for my family in my kitchen - not giving cooking classes to my son and dad through texts and videos. Last minute flight cancellations, missing the deadline of the last flight into India by 2 hours...sigh. If I continue in this vein, it's a difficult reality. Maybe, echoed in varied ways for others. 

So I've decided to turn my attention to some of my learnings at this time. 

1. The ties that bind are 'Human Connections' - be they virtual or in person. Virtual human connections have uplifted my spirits these past few months. Friends - new, old and long lost, family who've reached out just to... connect. And I've experienced that it's not blood the matters, but genuine human empathy to just say "hello, I'm thinking of you", "how are you doing today" or "what can I do to help". Powerful words. Also important, words said with genuineness and with no trace of self elevation. 

2. There are hidden potentials in everyone - if we only give them the chance to exhibit them and flower. Case in point - my 21 yr old offspring, who has surprisingly displayed a potential for cooking and cleaning. In my absence, of course! Which gave him the chance to exhibit them, without mother hen (yours truly) clucking around.

3. People, particularly children, rise up to do what the occasion demands of them. Caveat - If we are also willing to step back and let them, maybe with only gentle guidance, if at all required. Having a 'hands off' approach is a tough one for parents. The covid got my boy to change his bedding every 2 weeks, with no reminders from me apart from an initial answer to his question of how often it should be done. Mind you, this was task I couldn't get him to do for 21 years!

4. Most people have an inherent deep desire to be of use to another. But may not know how to. Tough to recognise this in others too. Be aware of this however - Greater may be our need to be of use than to step back and give others the opportunity to be of use. 

5. Having said that, the greater challenge may lie in our hesitancy in asking for/ accepting help. At times I feel that receiving graciously is an art - inherent in some, to be worked at in others. Receiving could be of help offered or even praise given. 

6. These circumstances are difficult and as far removed from the old normal for all of us. Mental health, a challenge at the best of times, is particularly more so now. Taking a moment to acknowledge this in ourselves, as well as in others is of essence. Once acknowledged, it's easier to let go/work with it. 

7. Some have an inherent ability to manage stress well. Being unable to manage stress well may result in tendencies to exhibit behaviour far removed from and at the other end of our old normal patterns. Recognising this in ones own behaviour patterns first and in others next, may well form the basis of our ease of being in these times. 

8. Going with the flow - easy to say, may be tougher to practice. The desire to be someplace else in an idealistic future is easy to have. Tougher may be the ability to let go of that fantasy and go in the flow of the moment. As Richard Rohr says in "Breathing under water" - the more you resist, the more it persists. A quote familiar to many of us who've done NLP, Vipasanna. I'm learning finer nuances to it at this time. 

9. Be prepared for the unexpected - always. The challenge is to get comfortable with it. Old wine in new bottles. Old relationships seen in a new light, may throw up the unexpected. Every moment is new. New ways of living. And the beauty is that we only need to look deep inside ourselves to be able to thrive in the unexpected. New inherent resources to deal with the unexpected evolve if we but give space to them to emerge. 

10. This too will pass. As we learn in vipassana, everything is impermanent. From one breath to the next, an inhale to an exhale. 

A new normal. A new balance to find. Each moment, every moment. May each of us find our new balance, moment to moment. 

Ruminations of a quarantined mind

It's been a month since I've been in a country far away from my own, in a lockdown period necessitated by covid 19. A month of highs and lows, certainties and uncertainties, joys and angst. As I reflect on the workings of my mind and body this past month, a few reflections come to mind. 

1. The body is in quarantine. And it's good and necessary at this time. For the most part, I think people believe in the necessity of quarantining ourselves for our own good health. My thought : how often do we quarantine our minds? Quarantine aka 'a state of isolation'. Away from the hustle and bustle of talk, other talk and self talk. To concentrate on just being....rejuvenation.

2. Some minds tend to be in a perpetual state of anxiety. It thrives on anxiety. Feeds on worry. In the absence of anything else to do, it chews the cud. With self and with others. Paranoia in some cases. In normal course of events, life happens and much of this may be camouflaged, swept under the carpet, attention diverted. But during a forced quarantine,....true fears/emotions begin to emerge... nowhere to hide...at times. 

3. Some minds, on the other hand, prefer to play ostrich. Bury itself. Attempt any kind of diversionary tactics to avoid facing itself. Uncomfortable with reality, escapism prevails. Busy bodies and minds. If I don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist. Bury it deep within... Not seen... Not heard... Not felt...Not acknowledged. Till, a tipping point is reached. And then boom... It may swing to the other end of the paradigm. 

4. Some minds, reach out to touch the inner being, and then quickly pull out. Like standing before a beautiful pool of water, dipping a toe in and quickly pulling out. Shallow immersions. Choosing instead to engross the mind in other 'more important - less painful' activities. 

5. Some minds on the other hand, face this isolation of the mind with equanimity. Even relish it at times. It's that time to dig deep, get past the fluff, get face to face with ourselves... and all its perfections and imperfections. To get to the hidden reserves of inner strength...communion with the deepest inner self/being... An Oasis in the dessert. (Communion - "the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level."). Spirituality in it's deepest form. Be still and know... 

Question to each of us: do we take time off periodically to quarantine our minds? Are we comfortable facing our innermost selves? Without varnish, in it's deepest truest form? What hidden treasures do you think we might find this way? 

Over the years…Then & Now

I recently read somewhere that years go by at snail’s pace when we are young, while it jumps and leaps across the aging years. Do you think so? In hindsight, maybe yes. I remember how the years spent studying at school and college seemed never ending, while now the years spin by.

Then & now, here are some of my changing perspectives over the years, in no particular order…

1.       Then – No calorie count. Lean and thin was the order of the day.

Now - Every morsel counts, and contributes to the ever-expanding girth.

2.       Then – All food was food, but no craving for specifics

Now – Some food is more equal than others, cravings galore

3.       Then – Uncertainty in paths to follow

Now – Seemingly some certainly in ordained path(s)…or are they fantasies of the mind?

4.       Then – Emotional highs and lows, some tsunamis

Now -  Fewer see-saws, centered peace

5.       Then – Everything matters

Now – Important things matter, rest get washed away

6.       Then – Strong likes and dislikes, nothing in between

Now – Marked likes and dislikes, rest all adjustments or kept away

7.       Then – Life defined by striking colours

Now – A palette…mellower and warmer hues blend with the bold

8.       Then – Contact numbers of ‘friends and family’ in diary

Now – Emergency numbers of doctors & hospitals all set to rival ‘friends and family’

9.       Then – Constant desire to change the self to what’s expected

Now – Change is constant, around a steadfast core center

10.   Then – Take care of self, rest take care of themselves

Now – 360 deg care…self, parents, siblings, spouse and children

Many changing perspectives while some important aspects remain constant...like hitting the snooze button and loving to snuggle under a blanket for an extra 5 minutes every morning.

The dots of the past join to make sense in the experience of the ever present now. In this moment of life, does it matter what happened this year, in the past…what resolutions I made or kept, or what achievements I had? I reach into my bucket list and find…nothing. All vanish in fantasy…ephemeral perceptions.

I now say that life, for me began at age 35…when I learnt to get in touch with the stillness within and listened to the still quiet voice inside me…when I learnt to search within for what I used to search for outside. Over a decade later, ‘Now’ I’m able to reach into myself and tune into deeper realms within…I listen to stillness, compassion, love. Though a challenge at times to be in (a work in progress, as is life), ‘Now’ is infinitely beautiful, soothing, blissful. 

I sometimes contemplate how the dots of today, weave a pattern for tomorrow. Magical spiritual designs, I’m sure. Woven by the Master Weaver. Which stage am I at, in the tapestry of life, I wonder. Does it even matter?   No, it doesn’t. Not right ‘now’. Not if I am still and allow myself to be guided by the light within. The moment a year ends and a new one begins and every other moment…comprises both…an exhale and an inhale. ‘Then’ leads me to ‘Now’. All else is fantasy.

Separateness in togetherness - Additional musings

Musings on this 5th anniversary of mom's death...married couples have togetherness for a while, but one person will most likely live the final twilight years alone. Are we geared up for that emotionally? Is there separateness in togetherness or do we take spousal dependence as a must have, and give it pride of place?

Very recently, when my spouse took a two week solo vacation this month, I recognised his want of separateness and was very fine with it. I was however amazed at the many varied reactions from friends and family when he left... From genuine amazement -"why does he want to go solo on a vacation" , to scurrying insecurity - "what?!, I hope this doesn't  give my husband ideas", to bafflement -"what fun is a vacation alone", to reasoning -"is it on work also, then fine"or "is he going trekking, then fine", to righteous indignation on my behalf -"didn't you also want to see this place, how could he not take you also", to subtle sensing with both of us to check if we were still together :).  Innocent words when taken alone, but when coming multiple times from multiple people, threatened to swamp the lone individual, in this case, yours truly.

Till a point came, when the force of the outside voices threatened to overpower my inner conviction.  And resulted in some knee jerk responses. Till I figured out that these are voices of societal expectations of marriage dependence. And boy, did it take some work to dissociate myself from these outside voices.  

Now to all those voices which questioned my sanity to 'sanction or allow': Who am I to 'sanction' or allow'. Aren't we all adult individuals first and spouses second? Or is my identity immersed in spousal identity, or even parental identity? I've often wondered at this during conversations with women who express "we love each other so much that we cannot stay even one day without each other".  Also when women known to me perpetuate spousal dependence by depending on the spouse for any 'outside work', be it banking, driving etc. I've also wondered about this, when men known to me are emotionally dependent on loved ones to the extent that they need the regular daily/ hourly contact by phone or text, when away. I've also wondered at this (and I am guilty of this at times) when we as parents hover, when our children are way past hand holding. What happens to my identity when I 'let go'? Am I strong enough to let go?

To those voices which questioned if I was happy with 'not being taken': Do I miss seeing the sights? Yes I most definitely do. The pictures are dissociate from the experience and and cannot be related to. His experiences are his. Do I have an overpowering need to go see the place - No, I don't. If the opportunity presents itself, maybe yes. Yes, I certainly wish to go on a solo trip myself, not with a group. For the experience, if nothing else. I've done enough solo trips on work - and I love the experience, but a solo vacation - that's something on my wish list. But am I driven to it given that my spouse has? No absolutely not.

If there is any unhappiness at all, its just that I was not around at home the entire time to savour the solitude :) Missed that. Work kept me traveling too. And left our son alone to experience the solitude for 5 days. And sensing his need for experience and drive for independence, I kept all contact nil. Only to be pleasantly surprised on my return - to a spic and span house, all dishes washed, clothes washed and hung to dry, breakfast cooked and eaten, kitchen sparkling clean (mind you - to a mom's exacting standards). All completed courtesy a 'To do list' - up on his white board. I'll forever treasure that pic of the notations on that board. Not shared that with anyone other than the spouse, as it'll be an intrusion into the son's privacy. All he needed was parental independence.  And confidence of people he could turn to should there be any emergency.

Is our sense of self, 'independent of'  or 'immersed in' spousal/ parental identity? Is there separateness in togetherness? Did this experience enable that? Hopefully yes. Time will tell. There are two journeys we make alone - the journey of birth and death. The presence of others, adds to the experience and joy in between. Little did I know that the Bible too alludes to this in Galations 6:2-5.

The question is how much do we as a society enable such separateness? The 'letting go' to enable a person and ourselves just 'be'. And in letting go, prepare ourselves for our twilight years.

Hats off to my Dad who's managed this beautifully - in his aging twilight years. As parents, they always let us be. We daughters were never expected to call and inform when we've traveled and reached our destination. I think this lifelong habit of 'letting go', prepared him for these times. Mom, I'll be forever grateful for this wonderful lesson. You made our lives easier for this.