Remembrances

The fog lifts its wispy weight, light filters through

Creating illusions of a new world, realigned maps of living

Shifting sands, new beginnings, new sounds & feelings

Seamlessly integrating old maps and new.

In the midst of the new, come remembrances of the old

Remnants of a word, sweet fragrances, tastes of yore

Rejuvenating feelings, pangs of remembrances

With fleeting glimpses into a world known before.

The world forges on, no room for those gone

Things to be done, compelling like a song

Taking comfort in daily routines, finding succour in faith

Days pass by; nights pass by, with grace and hope.

Days of a past life, sweet remembered fantasy

Captured words, sounds, experiences of a life time

Cherished treasures, bringing succour in the night time

Bottled remembrances, for ever in eyes that see.

Now, a struggle to remember a loving face

A soft nuance in voice, tender touch of a hand

Finding they are just wisps of the lifting fog

Butterflies that give joy, never to be caught.

Tears give way, despair moves to hope

Beginnings of a smile, taking comfort in the ‘now’

Life’s intricate mosaic designs, a kaleidoscope

Designed, created, executed, by One who knows best.

From dust to dust, just an earthly chapter closed

Leaving memories galore, impressions of love

A feathery touch, an indelible mark

Alive as hope in our lives, forever in our heart.

-          Ann Joseph

Written in loving memory of my mother

List of poems penned:
Blessed are thy ways oh Lord http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/blessed-are-thy-ways-o-lord.html
Life - an Illusion http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/life-illusion.html
An Ode to my mother - http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/an-ode-to-my-mother.html
Remembrances http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/remembrances.html
Aloneness http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2013/10/aloneness.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/moments.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/when-love-finds-self.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/12/what-is-love.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/the-dance-of-truth.html

Life - an Illusion?

Helter-skelter we run everyday

Caught up in life’s daily race

Friends galore, work uninterrupted

Give meaning to living everyday.

Studies & books – life’s worth for some

Money & work – sustenance for many

For others – collectibles that give some relief

Status – a defining post for many.

Running after goals, at cost of some others

Is cause of pain too many;

Changing goal posts, where do they end?

A never ending race for many.

Good health enjoyed without a thought

Taking the body for granted.

It takes an illness to bring in some thought

And a lifestyle reformatted.

Realising dreams, Life’s sudden jerks

Success galore, Steep learning curves  

Here today, gone tomorrow

Wisps in the air, tricks of the mind.   

Attempting to understand what matters most

A lifetime’s journey for some

Till a pause at death’s stark post

Life’s kaleidoscope, still and dark.   

Here today, gone tomorrow

The mind struggles to make sense

Something and nothing – twin sides to being

Essentials to living, now and the morrow.

From nothing to nothing, no words need be

A sense of being, feelings deep within

Hope, faith and love, a reason to be

Abiding, ever present, forever within.
 - Ann Joseph

List of poems penned:
Blessed are thy ways oh Lord http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/blessed-are-thy-ways-o-lord.html
Life - an Illusion http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/life-illusion.html
An Ode to my mother - http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/an-ode-to-my-mother.html
Remembrances http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/remembrances.html
Aloneness http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2013/10/aloneness.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/moments.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/when-love-finds-self.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/12/what-is-love.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/the-dance-of-truth.html

Blessed are thy ways O Lord

Blessed are thy ways O Lord

Umpteen though they may be

Myriad paths and tangled webs

Leading to where we need be.

Countless are the times O Lord

That I have wondered aloud

If there be a God in the midst of pain

When sorrow overwhelms me.

Can it be that thorns and briars

Will transform into flowers and bloom?

Nay, it seems impossible

When seen in the midst of the gloom.

When I look back at times gone by

With memory filled heart and mind

Now lilies in bloom at every layby

Where first were arid lands.

Little did I know of a heavenly map

That takes us to where we need be

Providing succour to the weary heart

At every cross that seems too heavy.

Countless are thy ways O Lord

Providing hope to the weary

A hug, a word, love unmeasured

A deluge that calms the soul.

A rock, a refuge - that’s what You are

A shelter in every storm

Joining all the dots of my life

In sweet melodious symphony.

Blessed are thy ways O Lord

Wonderful in every which way

A thankful heart , eyes that now see

A divine plan that may be. 
    - Ann Joseph

List of poems penned:
Blessed are thy ways oh Lord http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/blessed-are-thy-ways-o-lord.html
Life - an Illusion http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/life-illusion.html
An Ode to my mother - http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/an-ode-to-my-mother.html
Remembrances http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/remembrances.html
Aloneness http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2013/10/aloneness.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/moments.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/when-love-finds-self.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/12/what-is-love.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/the-dance-of-truth.html

An Ode to my Mother

In this twilight time as I gaze at death’s door

Trying to snatch time with Mum against all hope

Remembering years gone by, time that has flown

Over 41 years of being moored at her shore.

As I look back through childhood, teenage and adulthood years

Through times of innocence, joy, despair, sickness and health

Despite roller coaster rides of love, anger and heart-burn

She remains the port of call during every storm.

Now when frail weak hands clasp mine for support

I remember that these hands once helped me walk.

When I soothe brows bowed in pain and grief

I remember with tears, times when she did the same.

Through knitted sweaters, embroidered linen & clothes stitched

A love for baking and a spotless house bereft of disorder

She never allowed her ‘ill-health’ to become a crutch

Rather, working doubly hard to ensure normal order.

Through all my teenage years

And through times I’ve got unwanted advice

I never would’ve imagined a time would come

When I would grieve so, and long for her advice.

Now as I reflect on her life & ponder what impacts me most:

A capacity to tap on hidden strengths from deep within

Turning ‘weakness’ into strength, bounce back from every post

A deep abiding love for all and faith in God.

When I see frail hands of my parents entwined

Holding in the present, a deep connection of nearly 50 years

I realise what a privilege I’ve been given

To be born to parents such as mine.

I take a snapshot of memories of my growing up years

And realise that in all of them she remains in pain

It grieves me so but I hope and pray

That she soon finds peace and rest for her weary soul.

As tears cloud my eyes and I can scarce write

I know I will grieve for times gone by

Only to realise that she lives in my life

And when I am quiet, I’ll hear her in my heart.
   - Ann Joseph

List of poems penned:
Blessed are thy ways oh Lord http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/blessed-are-thy-ways-o-lord.html
Life - an Illusion http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/life-illusion.html
An Ode to my mother - http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/11/an-ode-to-my-mother.html
Remembrances http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2012/12/remembrances.html
Aloneness http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2013/10/aloneness.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/moments.html

http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/when-love-finds-self.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/12/what-is-love.html
http://rapportinrelationships.blogspot.in/2014/11/the-dance-of-truth.html

Rapport in death

Wikipedia says “The word Rapport stems from the old French verb rapporter which means literally to carry something back. What a person sends out, the other sends back – They are in sync.” Yesterday, while in a meditative state, I was struck by this thought – Am I ready to accept death as a blessing? Can I accept that there could be rapport in death? Death – as applied to many different contexts – death of self, death to self, death of a loved one.

My thought process ran amok with startled thoughts and ideas. I remembered a Bible verse which says “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit”: John 12:24. I thought this was worth dwelling over. Could one ever be in rapport with death? One of the many definitions of death is a cessation of breathing, a termination or extinction of something. If so, how does death bear fruit?

Those who've experienced meditation will understand that we become aware of ourselves (self-awareness) when we extinguish the cacophony of noise that surround us. We become aware of our innermost being when we plough through the multitude of thoughts, ideas and feelings that flood our minds 24/7/365, to the deepest recesses of our being, where everything but “I, me, myself”, is dead. When we reach our deepest recesses, we reach a place of tranquility  resourcefulness, life-giving sustenance and a deep sense of communion with that part of ourselves which is called by different names by different people -the ‘Unconscious’ (as it outside of conscious thought and feeling) or the ‘Spirit’ .  When in this place, going by personal experience, the so called facets of life – sound, feeling, thoughts, words, actions – become immaterial. A state of rapport exists – between self (conscious self) and our innermost self (unconscious self). In death then, are we truly alive. We become dead to thoughts, words, sounds and feelings and become aware of the still quiet voice within us, which comes to life and becomes heard in the absence of the humdrum of daily life.

How about getting in rapport with the death of a loved one? The act of getting in communion with one’s innermost self is in itself an act which requires no words, thoughts, action or bodily interpretation. At the deepest level of rapport with another person, it’s an unconscious one and has no rhyme or reason or explanation. So what difference does the presence or absence of the bodily form of another person make to the rapport that exists between the two? Rapport between persons in its purest form is a communion of two souls, two spirits - when we can reach down deep inside ourselves and know that we touch and are in sync with the other. When we reach this level of rapport – we can truly count death in every form as a blessing.

Embracing vulnerability to anticipatory grief, pain and loss

 I read recently that there are oftentimes ‘peaks and valleys’ in the life of a terminally ill person. Corresponding with them are emotional ‘peaks and valleys’ in the lives of the caregivers, and I say this from my personal experience of the last few years and more profoundly, the last few weeks and days. The 'valleys' corresponded of late, in my case, to the periods of intense anticipatory grief and loss. Periods in which I thought I would crumble under the sheer agony of anticipatory grief. Hence this attempt to reach out to all those who might have had or be having similar experiences.

Rev Richard Rohr says that we need to become vulnerable to pain and that accompanying a loved person on the last few months, weeks and days of life’s journey is a profound experience – one which has the potential to change our lives, should we be open enough to allow that change to happen. I couldn’t agree more.

How do we deal with this concept called ‘anticipatory grief’, which is experienced by some, not all; and that too with varying degrees of intensity? Well it has been an extremely tough journey for me and it would have continued to be so were it not for certain things I did and experienced, small variations of what is called Visual –Kinesthetic -Dissociation in NLP.

1. Identify the crux of the grief. In peace and quiet, I asked my innermost self, my unconscious – ‘what is it that I am really grieving for?’ Keep asking till you hit the root. And the answer in my case was twofold: a) The grief of confronting and dealing with the actual death of the loved one, and b) the grief of loss – dealing with the emptiness that would ensue.

2. Keeping your eyes closed, form a mental image in fantasy, of what you are grieving for (in my case, I had to do it twice – one for each of the above). Take note of the people in it, the colours; frame it like a picture and keep it straight ahead and as far away from you as you desire. You do not have to force yourself to look at the picture if it causes you grief – just take quick nanosecond snapshots of the image and open your eyes in between those shots. Do this till you feel comfortable with looking at the frame at the distance it is kept. Bring it progressively closer and repeat the process.

3. Become aware of the emotions and subtle nuances in the picture. Stay with them; check what it does to you. If you were to become a bird and fly above and as close to the picture frame as possible, maybe even through the picture, become aware of how would it feel as you do so. Also become aware of the type of bird you have become. Get a feel of the changes in feelings and emotions as you bring the picture frame of the image as close to you as is comfortable.       

4. Take a moment to consider what additional resources you would like that future self of you dealing with/ in that picture, to have. What in your opinion would be the additional abilities and strengths that you would like yourself to have in the future when actually dealing with the situation in reality?

5. Identify those resources and give it to that future self in your framed picture. See how that transforms or changes the image. Check how that feels within. Does it feel fine, comfortable, peaceful? Take heed of any objections that your unconscious might raise and ask for its positive intention.  If ok, take a moment to feel those resources within you in the present. Become aware of how they change your emotions and feelings. Feel the movement of energy with you, the future being part of the present in you. And when you are comfortable with the experience, open your eyes.

Becoming vulnerable to experience pain throws open windows of awareness - awareness of self and others. Experiencing and becoming aware of learning’s from anticipatory grief and loss opens up deep pools of strength within, if we but learn to draw succour from them.

Communication in sales and customer service

Importance of communication in sales and customer service – is it much ado about nothing? Many a talk or seminar has been given on communication and sales. Countless books have been written. Sales training focus on product knowledge, selling techniques and touch points with customers. Yet, in all the training I do and interactions I have with salespersons in India, I find that if there is one prime focus area in sales and customer service that is lacking – it is communication.

What brought this on my mind? A couple of days ago, I received a phone call from a leading life insurance company in India – ostensibly to convey customer service guidelines. The sonorous voice of the telecaller, reading from a ready script was designed to send me to an early afternoon nap. It also put me off any further interactions with the company. The good part however – it gave me inputs for this blog.  Here are some of my reflections on the learning we get from the quality of the call - many of which have been oft repeated but little practiced among salespersons. 

1. Voice modulation – The importance of voice in sales or customer service cannot be over emphasised. This is irrespective of whether it is a face to face interaction or a tele-call. A hesitant voice will convey a lack of confidence to the customer. A sonorous voice will typify boredom. Let your voice project interest and excitement to the customer. Needless to say, voice modulation is the key. Your customer will make decisions based on how you communicate, not just what you communicate.

2. Pauses are intrinsic in a good communication – use pauses to check whether the recipient of your communication is with you on the same page. The person interacted with me talked with me in a robotic fashion – allowing me no time to even put a word in.

3. Encourage the customer to talk – it’s a well know but little practiced fact that the customer should speak more than the salesperson. Ask questions and get them to speak. Have conversations with the customer. They are to be talked with, not talked to.

4. Listen to customers. Practice TALK – Total Acceptance and Listening with Kustomers. Many an important sales trigger is lost because of lack of listening. Listen with total acceptance and empathise with the customer’s point of view.
5. KISS – Keep It Short and Simple, in the interest of clarity. Much as jargon sounds good, customers may not understand or be impressed. Keep the communication short. ‘Shorter and more sentences’ are better than ‘fewer and longer sentences’. 

Read other blogs on communication

Take charge of your communication

Communication patterns
Becoming better listeners